Von’gleas’ thoughts on Drow Elf Culture: matron mothers
Pages from Of Drow and Lolth
The writings of the wandering Mage Von’gleas are rare and special. His academic works may be found in secret stashes of the Harpers or in restricted sections of the library at Silverymoon. Often referred to as the “mad mage” or the “vagabond vizer” Von’gleas seems to be able to learn much and documents it; whether the subject of the work cares to be documented or not. Rumor posits that his head in a burlap sack will fetch a king’s ransom in many courts and lairs across and under Toril. The only problem is that no one has ever laid eyes on Von’gleas. his race, his homeland, his very description are all unknown. Some senior mages speculate that he is dead or not one man but many all recording under the same nom de guer
After several encounters and one too many trips below ground I started to wonder about these evil dark elves who populate the middle Underdark. I started to ponder their religious traditions and the social norms that must have evolved over thousands of years underground and in the shadow of the Spider Queen.
Only a great fool misbehaves in front of a matron mother and since I am not a fool (great or small) when I had chance to treat with one, I minded my manners and my tongue. I have chosen to start my work with the matron mother. They will no doubt feel this is the correct way to start as they are the core of polite drow society.
Yes, for those reading this who feel drow could be neither social nor polite I wrote the words polite drow society and I assure you I have a straight face and mean no slight or sarcasm. Perhaps the future reader will view this work and myself as a drow apologist. Such views are the exclusive domain of history and the reader. I simply am a vehicle for my own observations.
Returning the to matron mother, she is the center of a family and the family unit or house is the building block of the middle and upper class. The house name carries great importance affording the members of the house status and privilege. Houses compete for resources, territory, prestige, and the all important favor of the goddess Lolth.
Since the female of the species is physically more powerful than the male and their chief deity identifies as female and a spider one can easily see how the matriarchal social structure developed and is held in place by force and religion. The word of the matron mother is law in her house and woe to those who openly oppose her. Such opposition is met with corrective actions that are always extremely painful and oft times fatal.
The non-drow observer may ponder at the behavior of these strong female leaders and question why a matron mother does not have more maternal qualities. It is easy to understand how goblin mothers with near animal instincts can devour a portion of their own litter to maintain her own health and thus insure the survival of her strongest offspring. One may become confused by the grace, sophistication, and eloquence of the drow and feel that such an evolved species should be more humane.
The matron is responsible for the house and the house is what offers status and privilege. We need only look to the spider and her web. It is her web. She designed the patterns. She spun the stands and connected them. It offers protection and food for her and those of her brood she sees fit to allow to live upon it.
The motherly instinct of other species (human, dwarf, gnome, surface elf, et al.) seem more closely aligned with mammals of the surface realms. Individual females protecting offspring; especially when the offspring is unable to protect itself. This early dependent state may be a source of connection and emotion. Such is not the way of the drow. Later in this work I explore the religious traditions and moral compass of these creatures. For now I will observe that Lolth worshiping drow strive for individual strength and power and not allowing a creature to fend for itself to demonstrate its capacity to gain power is sinful and wrong.
Such an attitude can be viewed as cold and unfeeling. I do not believe this is so. The matron mother affords her house the leeway to gain their own power so long as it does not disrupt her own. As the individual members gain power so does the house and therefore the matron mother benefits.
Of course, female children are desired and only two male children will exist within a house. The religion demands the third son of any matron mother be sacrificed to the goddess as an infant. Small children are trained in the means to gain power either by: combat, magic, religious devotion, or a combination thereof. Most cities include boarding school style accommodations where primary and secondary education continues beyond the safety of the house. This gives the children more opportunity to develop skills is seeking and maintaining personal power or failing to integrate into drow social norms. Failed students meet lethal punishments at school or relatively soon after returning to the house. Failure is a akin to weakness and weakness diminishes the house.
There is no concept of marriage for these elves. The matron takes consorts as she sees fit and reproduces when most advantageous for her house. Sexual promiscuity is normal among females and does not carry negative social stigma as it does for certain surface species. The drow word nek has a male connotation and literally translates to gigolo or slut. It probably is more closer in meaning to the phrase “gold digger” when referring to someone willing to trade sexual favors for personal gain.
Amorous love is viewed as a weakness for most drow and that includes the matron mother. Being emotionally bound to another is allowing the object of affection to hold sway over you. The drow have the word che for this feeling. The connotation is negative and accusatory. Only fools and simpletons would hand over power to another person. Often the spoken context of love is that a drow is “suffering from a bout of che.” It conjures the same feeling to the listener as “suffering from a bout of rock joint” or “ill with bloodly bowels”
A matron mother will live a long productive life in her house until one of her daughters takes the house away from her in a coup that leave the mother dead or banished. This tradition of succession insures that the house will be lead with the most powerful daughter. These contests are usually a combination of guile, perfidy, murder, and brinkmanship (brinksdrowship if you will) that last decades. Again the non drow reader may find this matricide or filicide repugnant. I witnessed one episode of such a contest in my travels and with great tact and humility asked the matron mother about this very topic. Her response, given to me as she cleaned her daughter’s blood from a razor sharp hair clip is recorded below.
This child was weak. She is undeserving of the helm of my house. If I took pity on her and let her kill me I’d meet the Queen of Spiders as a failure. When I have a daughter who can slay me as an equal or better yet as my superior then and only then will the house change hands and my reign will end. I will meet Lolth with my head high, powerful in my own right, and the source of a legacy to further our house. Fret not my pet, she is not quite dead, perhaps three years in the dungeons will give her time to find the error in her plot and in a decade or two she may try again. Of course, her sister may kill her first if she continues to insist on being clumsy.